I am going to be honest. Starting this blog, is one of the scariest things I have ever had to do. The battle of the mind has forces much stronger than anything I have had to face physically. But seeing as I am still an adolescent, I am sure without a doubt that I will encounter challenges I could never even see becoming a problem.

Of course, starting a blog, I feared the usual:

-Unbearing hate

-Failure

-Realising that I am a failure

And, out of all the first popped into my mind fears, probably the most terrifying to me:

-Nobody reading or liking my blogs.

Maybe these are just me. But from- I would say about every unsure comment about fears of starting blogs-I am not alone.

So I am going to start with “Nobody reading or liking my blogs” I will give a quick background info check even though probably nobody is going to be reading my blog about how I am scared that nobody is going to be reading my blogs so I doubt anyone cares.

I have wanted to be an author since five years old. Developing of age, that passion and determination defined me. Growing up, where all my friends want to be docters and artists and football players and actors, I have always prided myself in a seemingly unique and rare aspiration. But when I finally crawled out of my den of online uncertainty and started reading other blogs and talking to other aspiring writers, I found out that maybe I am not as “unique” as I have grown up believing I am. Even admitting this is already very scary to me.

I am frightened that maybe I will realise my writing really isn’t that good in the scope of online authors. And if I can’t be successful here, how would I ever be successful in publishing books. But the scarier part is that, knowing I am not the only one with what I believed to be writing talents, I felt the sudden need to have something more than just a desire. Just a talent.

I wanted to be different.

And I suppose I ended up here. I want something more to define me. I want to find me.

That leads on to my next fear I developed after climbing aboard the you are destined to fail train. Next stop! Finding myself.

I explained this rather briefly in my first blog where I noted on my worry of finding myself. This is definitely not the last time I will talk about this as this is a big topic for me that I believe has relevance to everyone in their own ways. I have always tried to imitate the traits I admire in my best friends, this is one of my biggest weaknesses, and even though starting a blog surfaced many fears, one of the things I was proud of, was that this was started of my will. I wasn’t following a trend, I wasn’t trying to impress anyone. I was trying to be me. And I hope, the more I write coming from me, the more I can continue on my journey on discovering who that is. In my belief, we never stop that expedition on finding ourselves. I believe our characters are all so full of depth, until the day we die we still have not fully uncovered the spectrum that is us. But right now, I have only started my trek. I have only ventured a few steps into the vast world.

Authenticity. As simple as it sounds, it is quite the opposite when trying to carry out.

I am quite terrified that my habits of, letting the influence of the people around me shape my character, will branch out here, to where I may lose myself once again and write not what I want to write, but what I think you want to read. And I don’t know if I am strong enough to stay true to myself and write from my heart. Write what I want to write. Even if no one likes my writing. I am just not sure if I can take the denial…

My final point is more of a fear that I will be judged too quick. I am only fourteen years old and I worry people will not want to finish reading anything I write because I am “too young” and what I say won’t matter. I want to have a voice, but I won’t even be able to speak if I am judged for my age. My hope is I can reach out to other people, and that people my age can relate to me, however, words seem to matter more when it is from a better educated adult.

All that being said. I am not in it for money. Not for business. Not for profit. My sole purpose is to connect with myself, and connect with other people who may feel the same. I have often felt so completely solitary in the ways of my mind. I just want other people in my similar position to know that they are not alone.

But, I am only fourteen. So… What Do I Know?