Hey guys

It’s definitely been a while

It’s been quite the journey, I’m sure we’d all agree.

I’ve definitely changed a lot, looking back on my last blog post, I have the urge to both laugh at how ridiculous I sounded, cringe at how embarrassing it is that that’s on the internet and cry because things were a lot simpler then.

My last blog post wasn’t even a week before one of my closest friend’s dad got diagnosed with COVID and for a week, we waited in agony for my dad’s test results. Thankfully, nothing of the sort happened. I am extremely fortunate that so far, no one I know has been severely impacted (two of my cousins did however catch the virus, but they are fine now)

Lockdown was enlightening. Of course, I don’t mean to sound insensitive to the terrible state of humans all around the world, I am praying that everyone is safe and I thank those who put their life at risk for the safety of others. All I mean is that, the alone time gave me a so much insight and time to finally focus on the scary things that were happening inside of me. (and it wasn’t too bad for the environment either)

The feelings that I no longer had goals, or dreams, or passions; the sense that as lucky as I am to have the life I do, I feel miserable in it. I lack purpose and I hated it.

In quarantine, I gave myself the room to get better. I formed a lot of healthier habits (meditating, exersize, stretching and reading before bed etc) and honestly I had never felt better.

My mind had time to wander. I let myself cry until I was dry, I mourned the death of my younger self that had been so full of life and passion, with the motivation to go for it, and then I healed. And I understood she was gone. And came to accept who I am now.

I don’t know who is still here by now. I’m sure many have changed as a result of all that’s happened. In light of everything, how could we not? But I hope that those that are still here are staying safe and doing alright. Maybe reach out to me and we could be friends? We could all use more of those.

But…What Do I Know?
(ah it’s been too long)