So one of my closest friends just told me that she self harms. I don’t know what to do with myself, I’m speechless. I don’t know how to react or say or do.
I could really use some advice from anyone who has gone through it or seen a Friend go through it. I want to know the right thing to say.
But What Do I Know? 
Hi,
first you need to know that you already reacted well, since you care for your friend and want to help her. She’ll feel that you’re there for her and that’s what matters.
Even if I understand self-harm is shocking, it is not the main issue. Self-harm is “only” a symptom, it’s a coping mechanism for a bigger issue. If she and you are comfortable enough and willing to talk about it, ask her why she does this. She self-harms to cope with psychological pain, so ask her what is this pain, what causes it so that you can better help. Then see how you can find a solution to her problems, how you can help her feel better.
I wouldn’t recommend you being too intrusive about her self-harm. Don’t ask her to show her scars except if she wants you to, don’t ask details about it since it useless to do so (except making sure she doesn’t hurt herself too seriously, that there is no infection…). Wanting to know all the sordid details is pointless and counterproductive. Try to keep calm, don’t look or sound disgusted and don’t ask her to stop because it’s a coping mechanism, so if she stops she won’t be able to cope anymore.
I hope it helps, you can still ask me if you have any question. I also highly recommend you read this excellent and very helpful article: https://theaftermath.blog/2020/02/05/how-to-help-someone-with-self-harm/
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Wow, thank you so much for the advice! I read the article and your comment and I think I have a good understanding of ho I’ll talk to her today. Thank you so much
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I had a friend that had gone through this. I couldn’t say anything.
Pity would only cause further injure.
Disregard would break a friendship.
The only thing you can really do now is support her as much as you can while she seeks professional help. Things like “Things will be fine” is only baseless reassurance, but sometimes it works…? Once again, I don’t know, since I didn’t do anything for my friend.
My friend is fine now, but what if she hadn’t gotten help from someone else?
Don’t be like me, please. Say something. Anything. It… might just work…?
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Thank you so much for the advice. Luckily she did in the end tell her parents and they she is getting professional help. The good thing is she wants to change, I just need to know the right things to say while she goes through it.
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