I have done the thing that I haven’t done in a very long time.

I have a proper crush on a boy.

It’s actually so embarrassing to say that, but I can’t help it. I haven’t had a proper crush on a boy in a while, I’ve had the occassional small feelings thing that goes away in a few days, but here I am. And I remember exactly why I hated it.

I honestly did miss having a crush for a while, I liked having something to think about. But now that it’s happened, I just want it to go back. Because it turns out, he’s all i think about.

Not only is it a crush, but it’s your stereotypical cute, white boy crush. I haven’t had one of those in five years. But it wasn’t his looks that really drew me to him. He’s just one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, he’s funny and annoying but in a cute way. Talking to him just fills me with so much butterflies and all I want to do is talk more.

But still…I know he doesn’t like me back. Granted it’s only been a week of talking to him, but it feels like my life is over. My self confidence has plummeted, going to school is something I dread again as I am just too scared to see him and have him see my face. I know I’ll never be pretty enough for someone like that.

I hate that I am writing this, I really never understood when girl’s have incessantly talked about boys and crushes. I just couldn’t get it (considering I’m bisexual and spend most of my time crushing on girls), but now I find myself relating to all of it.

I don’t exactly know what I’m writing this down for, I guess it’s supposed to be a typical teenager thing. But…could it not be? Please?

What Do I Know?